By T.K. Flicek
As a mother and daughter, this is a subject close to my heart. I grew up in a family of five females and no father figure. So tensions ran high.
Being the eldest daughter, the majority of the responsibilities fell to my shoulders. This included everything from major household decisions to chores to child rearing. I forcibly took on the roll as the adoptive parent; a responsibility that I was not ready for nor desired.
The thing that haunts me the most is the poor relationship with my mother during the crucial developmental years of my youth. It seemed as though we agreed on nothing except that she was always right and I was always wrong. The lines of communication no longer existed. To this day, it is still a struggle to open myself to my mother.
As a child, I was angry with my mother for forcing me to watch my sisters…, go grocery shopping…, or take the clothes to the laundry mat. At that age, I did not understand why I could not just stay home and play with the neighborhood children like a normal kid. All I knew was that I was the oldest and that it was my responsibility. Oh how I wished to be an only kid.
As I became older, I found myself building my own life around the anger and resentment I had for my lost youth. When I became a single parent and walked in my mother’s shoes, I began to understand her struggles and frustrations to walk the road of parenthood alone. However, I have chosen a different path than the one of my mother. I have learned sympathy, tolerance, patience, open mindedness and unconditional love.
I am proud to say that I have forgiven but not forgotten. Because I have chosen to remember the struggles of my past, I have grown into a strong and confident mother and writer.
“Because I said so!”
“Do as I say, not as I do!”
“You’ll understand when you are older.”
Parents and other adults of influence, very commonly state these phrases and variations of them. Children are an extension of yourself, and deserve respect as much as you demand for yourself.
Take time everyday to sit with your children and listen to their problems…their concerns…their frustrations.
Break down the walls of fear and rejection that you might not accept them or their ideas.
Guide, do not force your beliefs, methods, or opinions. After all, they are yours and yours alone.
Do not try to control your children or hold their hands through every step of life. When we fall or fail, we learn; that is the human nature.
DO be an open door, a kind ear, a shoulder to cry on, a steady hand and the sound of reason when all hope seems lost.
Remember you were a child once upon a time, how do you wish your parents were with you?
